If I could-

take the autism out of Jackson would I? It's a profound (relatively moot) question. My gut reaction and answer are always the same. Yes, in a heartbeat. My son has so much potential, so much to give, so much of life to live. In a heartbeat I'd sign up for the surgery, or wait in line for the procedure; beg, borrow and steal to "fix" him.

Some people wonder why we don't chase down every "cure", or investigate more thoroughly some therapies. My answer is simple and complex. If ever the day comes that my son is able to communicate with me in a "neuro-typical" way, I pray that he'll say, "Thanks mom. Thanks for letting me be "autistic" but encouraging me to reach out to others. Thanks for ignoring my stims, but immersing me with my peers. Thanks for embracing my differences while pressing me forward an inch at a time. Thanks for remembering I'm just a kid, like any other and I need to grow, develop and shine in my own time and way." In essence, I need to hear, "thanks for letting me be true to myself".

I go through these periods of self-doubt where I question if we've followed the right path for him. This I know to be true, the world isn't separate and equal. He has to be able to function in the world, not in a world set up just for him....

Haircut update:

Since our barber isn't in on Monday's and the local back-up is closed then too. I called my dad's wife and she agreed to fix Jackson's hair....that way he wouldn't go to school with the fancy doo!
I was so very proud of him...he sat in the chair and let Theresa use the clippers to "fix" his reverse mohawk. This is something that never would have happened a few years ago. We're so very proud of him---and especially thankful to Theresa!

He cut his hair, but he's a movie star!

Last night, I trimmed the few stray hairs around Jackson's ears that the barber missed last weekend. He was less than thrilled with this, but tolerated it. He has come a very long way with regard to getting his hair cut...this morning, he decided to cut his own hair. He's done this just one other time (while at the beauty shop) and the last time it was cute. [I actually silently celebrated it because it was such a normal thing to do at the time...] Well, this time, it's not so cute and I'm going to have to take him in and have it buzzed off so that it doesn't look like he's missing a chunk of hair...at least it's just hair. It'll grow back...

Today was children's Sunday at church. Cal sang with his other kids from Nursery school (very cute!) and our pastor showed the tribute video of Jackson. It was really moving and everyone responded so positively to us...Jackson just asked to watch it again (surprise, surprise). After the service someone commented to Jackson, "You're a movie star" he proceeded to hug himself and say, "I'm a movie star" and then later, "Jackson's a movie star"--cute. Watching the video I'm full of a mix of emotions, sadness, pride, fear, anger: a whole range of emotions. Dan talked to a guy after church relatively new to our community who has a lot of experience working with kids with autism, so we're hoping to keep in touch with him...Again, we were reminded of the incredible community we're fortunate to be a part of.

For years I've said that Jackson is going to be whatever God intended him to be; today I felt a sureness about that and knew it within my soul.....

Complexities

Being a parent is complex; I'm certain I would have struggles without autism. Autism just colors and fragments my world so dramatically. I often contemplate just how different I would be as an individual without autism.

I'm certain I wouldn't be as outspoken and passionate as I am. With an urgency, I understand that I've just got one shot at this parenting thing and I've got to get it right....

Opening Day and a Birthday Party

Today was opening day for Spring sports in 'Busco. Cal is on a t-ball team and a soccer team, we spent most of the afternoon at the park. This is the first season Jackson hasn't been affiliated with a team; he seems to notice it, but I'm not sure how bothered he is by it.

Tonight we went to a surprise 40th birthday party for "Aunt Jackie". Jackson did really well overall, he really wanted to sing Happy Birthday to Aunt Jackie and wondered where the pizza was; because, hey, every kid party he's been to has pizza ;). I actually thought that was good. There were several people there, it was loud and very stimulating, but overall, he did well. It's definitely not something he could have handled a couple of years ago.

Bike Rides and Warm Weather Rituals

We have this warm weather ritual: we ride our bikes to the "Magic Wand" (the local ice cream restaurant---for those of you who grew up with me it's like the Ice Cream Stop in Leo or the Dari Sweet in Grabill). Jackson loves to ride his bike there and since it was sooo nice outside today, he was determined that is what we should do....

Well, it's been a crazy couple of days and I'm really overwhelmed with so much to do at home and lots of other commitments. We had friends coming for dinner, I was in the middle of a project with my niece and just couldn't take time to go. I explained this to Jackson multiple times...to no avail. He'd come to me and ask to "ride your bike?" or "around the corner" my personal favorite [a new one] "you have to look both ways". I really just didn't have time and finally lost my cool with him...his next request? "Wait til daddy gets home" later, "Daddy will take you".

Unfortunately, he didn't get to take that bike ride today. Maybe I should have made time to do it....on the up side, he seemed to really enjoy our company tonight and I was pleased with his interactions overall...

Random Update

Today, Jackson started a new sort of stim. We can't quite figure it out and we're not sure if it'll continue or if it was just a quirk. He was with Dan at the store and had to position his feet just so....Dan said he then kind of zoned out....we'll have to wait and see if this one continues.

The other night, Jackson slept in his own bed all night! This is huge! We aren't sure if it was the weighted blanket or the fact that he'd played outside and worn himself out...either way, we're thrilled with the progress; though he hasn't made it through the night again, we're hopeful.

Jackson has a new favorite book. It's an old teaching book of mine, from when I taught Reading Recovery....The Hungry Giant Jackson loves the animated voice I use and it gets him giggling....Cal has a new favorite book too, though he doesn't like to admit it: It's Hard to be Five by Jamie Lee Curtis....

Jack's learned to navigate the address bar of the computer and can now direct himself to his favorite sites by clicking on the link as the history drops down. This is something he figured out by himself...I'm impressed....

This morning, he put on a pair of jeans to wear to church and he's officially outgrown size 10 jeans. I can hardly believe it!!! So, I bought him 2 new pair of size 12 and hope they last him through the end of the school year.

There you have it, the random update ;)

Autism-The Musical

A friend of mine just sent me this on DVD to watch. It's really a great documentary. It follows The Miracle Project which I'm pretty sure is in California.

The movie was touching and sad. It does a fabulous job of illlustrating the variety in the spectrum. Several different kids with autism are followed for 6 months while the movie is being made.

You can learn more about the movie here:

http://www.hbo.com/docs/programs/autism/index.html

Check it out if you have the chance.

Spring Break--at the end

The boys did well while we were gone; the sitter offered to do it again, so they must have been manageable. I always worry about them, but now that we've left them a few times, it seems I worry less.

Jackson is still a bit anxious today; he prefers us not to leave him. I think it's good for him to know he can be without us and survive. Some of that separation anxiety wears off and Callahan, who promptly announced he, "never want[ed] a babysitter again!" He couldn't tell us why exactly, just that he never wanted one again...

The weather here is gorgeous (finally). We went to the park after church today and Jackson had fun--overall considering the number of people that were at the park. Tomorrow morning will offer a reality check as he has to get back into the school routine for just another 7 weeks or so.

Overall, spring break went better than I expected it to go...

Spring Break--Day 4

Jackson is doing well going to the sitters...it's been a pretty good week overall.
Today we rode bikes to the school playground (about 4 blocks away). I think both boys were thrilled to be outside playing.

I don't know what got into me, but I decided to push my luck and bike over to the town park...another maybe 6 blocks on the bikes. The boys had a fabulous time here too, the park board installed new swings and put up a tire swing which Cal loved....

Riding home wasn't so fun. The chain on Jackson's bike came off no less than 5 times. I can handle something like that happening once or twice, but 5 times was ridiculous! Eventually, we just gave up and walked the rest of the way home, but it did have the afternoon end on a sour note. I probably should have checked over Jackson's bike as this is the first time he's had it out this spring...Cal and I went on our first ride last weekend, so our bikes had been given the once over. Jackson's, upon closer inspection, needed to be adjusted so the chain wouldn't fall off continually...and so the frame was more centered around the back tire....

Dan & I will be going to Chicago for our annual "night away" from the boys tomorrow...please say a prayer that all goes well with the sitter. I know they're usually better for her than for us; but both boys have some separation anxiety....I'll post an update when we're back.