14 Years

In the first year we were full of wonder,
unsure of what we were doing,
but we were doing it anyway.

You turned one and took your first steps,
we imagined your future before you.

At two you became more serious,
and fell in love with Buzz Light year and Woody.

Then, three.
Our big boy.
We counted your words,
Waited for gestures.

Four: school, therapists, Teletubbies and puzzles,
a cruise where you were lost and found.

At five you stepped into "big brother" shoes,
protective, watchful.

Six playing T-ball.
Seven playing Soccer.
Eight, your a cub scout.
You like being part of the team.

Nine "ah-ha" you know letters and sounds.

Disney Double Digit: planes, trains and automobiles.

Eleven, twelve, the bat boy who hit a home run.

Thirteen finding independence; puberty.

Fourteen...so much more to come.

Maybe there is something I don't see

Recently I wondered if there is something that I don't see in my son; that somehow the choices we've made for him are holding him back. What is it that I am missing? Over the years we've lived by two basic standards: set him up for success and provide him with a quality life.

So, I don't see him the way others might. When I look at him, I see all the possibilities that stretch before him. I see his strengths, his assets, his abilities. I choose not to see what limits him. But that doesn't mean that I do not live with the consequences of what limits him. That doesn't mean I ignore his faults. Spend an hour or so with Jackson, you'll find that those limitations literally scream at you; you would have to be deaf and blind to miss them. I choose not to let those encompass who he is.

When you look at my son, I want you to see the person that he is. I want you to define him by his sweet nature, his sense of humor, his connection with you. I do not want you to immediately identify him as disabled. I refuse to enable that stereotype, and I have generally found that since this is my attitude, it has become the attitude of those people around us.

There are times that I am confronted with people who do not share my philosophy and it makes me question everything we have worked toward in building Jackson's life. It makes me ask, "Is there something I don't see?"

Change is inevitable. I believe Jackson will promote change in the hearts of many others. It's possible (though I do not believe likely) that his story could change those people who seemingly want him to fit in a box; change them to see he is so much more than the autism that limits him.

I have answered my own question. Clearly, there is something I don't see. Obviously, I have chosen to ignore the attitude of some people. I have intentionally rocked the boat and pushed the limits. Indulge me, how's that working for me?