Temper, Temper

Jax didn't sleep well last night. He was up twice to shower and at 4 am Dan was schlepping his mattress into the living room so he could watch a dvd while the rest of the family tried to sleep.

Have I mentioned I become more than a little irritable when sleep deprived?

So, today, he's pulling his normal 'stunts' dropping wrappers wherever, leaving empty coke cans in the yard, leaving the back door open. In general interested only in his agenda. All the while his mattress, comforter and toys are littered across my living room. He's also being generally whiney and irritable himself.

As I was trying to cook lunch for the kids and finish laundry and clean up the mess in the living room, I snapped. I just started in on him: "alright, you've got to pick up these toys. Get out there and pick up the toys, put away your blanket...." You know, he did everything he was asked to in a timely way; too bad I have to turn into a lunatic to get a response...

Imagination

Dh brought home the 'vintage' fisher price little people marina. It actually floats. Jackson loves this toy! It has inspired some great 'pretend play' for him. He took all this Pooh characters and had each of them jumping off the diving board, then entering the 'garage', then sliding down the lighthouse slide.

Later he took the marina to the pool and put the sesame street characters through the same scenes: jumping off the board, sliding, 'hiding' in the 'garage'. He then took them on a 'boat' ride around the pool.

There is still an air of sequence to this play, but how wonderful to see him engaging in and enjoying a toy appropriately. [Though, it's far from age appropriate].

Where is Jackson?

Last night, I was on my way to a party. As I prepared to back the van out of the garage I asked dh to check on Jax. Dan can't find him. He waves me on.

I proceed slowly out the garage and down the drive. I look up to see that Jackson is ON THE ROOF!!!! He had gotten out the step ladder, threw his dozen build a bear toys up there and climbed onto the ROOF!!!! Yikes!

So, now we're constantly reminding him the roof is dangerous, no climbing, staff off the roof.

What next?

The Pom-Pom Problem

Well, Dan thought this might happen. :)

Last night, Jackson's cup was full and he got to go to Build A Bear. [He built a Cody penguin from the movie Surf's Up. Did I mention, we like that he dresses, undresses his 'bears' which is great fine motor for him] At any rate, he had a good time and we made a BIG deal of emptying the pom-pom's and reminding him it takes time to refill and many good responses before another "reward".

Well, today after Jackson cleaned up his toys in the front yard, I gave him 2 pom-poms. He asked to go "build a dinosaur"; I revisited how long it takes to earn the 'reward' and that he has to "fill up the cup" to get a reward.

I come back from folding laundry to discover the empty baggie of pom-pom's and his cup overflowing with pom-poms. I had to laugh. [Which was probably a fatal parenting error on my part]. I was just thrilled that he tried to 'pull one over on me'. Or, maybe he just took the full cup comment literally. Either way, it was a pleasant episode for me.

Jack's Big Music Show

Have you seen this show on Noggin? Jackson LOVES it! I think he's convinced that it's his Big Music Show. He loves visiting the Noggin website to play games and is in heaven when he can watch the show at grandmas.

Today, I was able to make him a couple of shirts with the characters on them. He immediately put the shirt on and ran outside. So happy. Again, it's so easy to make him happy.

Today was his last day of summer school. I think he really enjoyed going. He's struggling a bit for a consistent schedule b/c we broke up the school routine with boy scout camp. So, it'll take a couple of days for him to figure out that he's done with summer school....

Birthdays & Pom Poms

Today was Zachary's birthday. Jackson really did well at the party. Played a lot with water balloons, and jumped on the neighbors trampoline.

He's become comfortable at Dad's house, but again, prefers to do his own thing.

He helped Zach blow out the candles and insisted we turn out the lights to sing. It was a nice evening, we all enjoyed being there.


So we have this incentive system (I copied from my sister Joy) where we give Cal small pom-poms in a cup for behaving/listening/sharing, etc. Once the cup is filled Cal gets to pick a reward: TokensNTickets, Putt Putt, Chuck-E-Cheese, whatever. Well, Dan started a cup for Jackson. He is ALL about the pom-poms. He is anxious to fill his cup and go to Build A Bear. [We've GOT to buy stock in that company!] He's become uber-sensitive to directives and inquires, "pom-pom?" at least ten times a day...hey, whatever works, eh?

Isolation

You know, this shouldn't come as a surprise to me [and I guess it really doesn't], but Jackson certainly prefers to be off alone. He finds his comfort zone and goes there. I suppose I'm thankful that he's learned a coping mechanism for stressful situations.

Camping Out

So I bought the kids a tent...Jackson loves it!
Currently, it's in the back of the little toyota pick-up. Jax was trying to get it into the truck bed while dh was mowing the lawn...so dh put it into the truck for him. He's in there right now...I wonder what it is about that small space? Honestly, I think he'd love sleeping in it; but neither of us could stand to sleep under the stars on the ground with him.

Sometimes, the simplest little things bring joy to Jackson. Wouldn't life be great if all of us found joy that easily?

Independence

DS ate a veggie burger today. Nuked it and added cheese all by himself. :) He seems to really like to eat things he can prepare for himself: pb & j/mac n cheese/popcorn. The micorwave is his appliance of choice, but he'll try the cooktop every now and then. I'm proud of him: he tried new food and made it for himself! [I'm doing the happy dance].

In the calm

It's been a good day for ds. He didn't have to be anywhere which makes him happy. We skipped boy scout camp because a storm was threatening (and I didn't want to be stuck in the rain)....he didn't miss it. I wonder if a nt child would have asked about it? Most likely. Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is just that: understanding what NT kids do. My autistic son came first, he sets the bar for me and often times it's off the mark. I try hard not to focus on his typical peers too much. It's actually painful when I ponder it.

Today is calm. I'll just bask in the calm for today....

A Glimpse

(from June 17)
I think of that Nicholas Cage movie "family man" where he gets a "glimpse" into another life.
I can relate this to my own life and the moments I treasure.
There are these moments for me when I get a glimpse of normalcy. A time when autism ceases to exsist. Like a time warp. These moments are priceless and sometimes come at me like a curveball.

Well, today I had a couple of them. Which for me was like hitting the lottery twice in one day.

My first glimpse: Jackson return kicks a ball down field during a soccer game. Does it like he's done it a hundred times before, but he's never done it before. At this, I am elated! I jump and yell and I think he's unsure of what he did that was so meaningful. Except that we've once again gone through the litany prior to entering the game:
You need to kick the ball Jax, what are you going to do?
Kick the ball.
What will you do?
kick the ball
What will you kick?
the ball
Then, the countless prompts:
kick the ball Jax
You have to run
Go get the ball Jax
Get Tommy
Follow Molly

In that moment, that glimpse, all these fade into the background. It's like life in slow motion as my baby defends the ball. It means so much to me; yet I wonder, does it mean anything to him?

Ok, so I'm content with the glimpse, I won't ponder the complexities of it.

Next, we're at the amusement park. He loves it here and so do we. When we're here as a family, we feel accepted. We feel validated. We feel like we belong [Lord, that in itself is priceless]. It's our first trip of the season and Jackson flits from one ride to the next seemingly on a mission to ride each ride he's missed all winter. Later in the day, when DH and I are both a suffereing motion sickness from all the rides we let both boys ride together on the "flying scooters". [Dh is reluctant, unsure it's safe. I'm certain they'll be fine]. Jax too, is a bit unsure but decides he'll ride with Cal. So this glimpse [tears here] lasts 2 minutes as I watch my two boys filled with joy fly through the air laughing, giggling, squealing together.
There is nothing else in the world for me in those minutes. Just a heart growing warmer, a love growing deeper. Just a glimpse of what might have been between two brothers....

I can't help but think of what is between these brothers. For Jackson, it's unconditional love. For Callahan, it's curious love.

So, today I got two glimpses. I love them. Maybe I shouldn't admit that.

from the beach

Ever Wondered? (June 25)
We were at the zoo today. It was hot, but the boys had a great time as usual.
We rode the new sky ride and the zoo worker running the ride was less than patient with Jax (which is unusual for the zoo). Well, it got me thinking, for the first time really:
When other people see Jackson what do they see?
Do they see the innocence in his deep blue eyes?
Do they see contentment on his face?
Do they see they see the victory he is just by being in a public place?
Do they see the purity of his heart?
Do they see the struggle he faces?

Probably not. My guess is they see a "big kid" acting little. They see a rude young man who doesn't 'listen'. They sometimes look curious, or appalled or worse judgemental.

Just my thought of the day....

The Beginning

My son is a gift. His smile is priceless; his laugh contagious. Without words, my son speaks volumes. He is autistic. But he is ever so much more. Autism is a journey, not a joy ride.