We are coming into our second decade of living with autism.
The second decade--that gives me pause.
Ten years ago, I had no idea that this could continue to be so heartbreaking; such a struggle. I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster ride that would become my future. In retrospect, that makes sense; I absolutely did not have the strength then to endure or process the extent to which autism would play a part of our lives. If you read this often, you know that I try to see the blessings that fill my life because of my son.
I rarely go to the dark side. The side that leaves a festering wound that refuses to heal, like a scab I obsessively pick. This is one of those moments, I can't help myself or find my way out of the darkness. A time when I feel suffocated by how autism has robbed me of my son. How it has stolen his childhood and taken many things from my family that I have no way of getting back. How it has the power to define his future and limit his opportunities.
Autism has been on our family vacations, is part of church every Sunday, at weddings, birthdays and Christmas's. Autism is the black shadow that looms and without question is not to be ignored. It so greatly defines our being that even our typical child has suffered residual effects. Parts of his childhood are colored by the dark shadows.
A decade of living with autism.
As I wander through this darkness there are glimpses of light. Muted grays mixed within the black. The reminders that this journey has not been with out purpose; our lives are colored with unusual joy. Happiness in the little things; "ordinary miracles." A rainbow in the storm: his pure heart and genuine laughter.
The only assurance of the coming decade is this: autism will be a part of our family. The autism shadow will continue to cloud our experiences. My weapon against the darkness is prayer and attitude. Prayer pierces the darkness with light; turns the canvas of life from black and white to brilliant colors. In the next decade my son will remain a child of God, full of purpose and light. I will cling to the Lord as my guide into His light. And continue to pierce the darkness with light.
The second decade--that gives me pause.
Ten years ago, I had no idea that this could continue to be so heartbreaking; such a struggle. I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster ride that would become my future. In retrospect, that makes sense; I absolutely did not have the strength then to endure or process the extent to which autism would play a part of our lives. If you read this often, you know that I try to see the blessings that fill my life because of my son.
I rarely go to the dark side. The side that leaves a festering wound that refuses to heal, like a scab I obsessively pick. This is one of those moments, I can't help myself or find my way out of the darkness. A time when I feel suffocated by how autism has robbed me of my son. How it has stolen his childhood and taken many things from my family that I have no way of getting back. How it has the power to define his future and limit his opportunities.
Autism has been on our family vacations, is part of church every Sunday, at weddings, birthdays and Christmas's. Autism is the black shadow that looms and without question is not to be ignored. It so greatly defines our being that even our typical child has suffered residual effects. Parts of his childhood are colored by the dark shadows.
A decade of living with autism.
As I wander through this darkness there are glimpses of light. Muted grays mixed within the black. The reminders that this journey has not been with out purpose; our lives are colored with unusual joy. Happiness in the little things; "ordinary miracles." A rainbow in the storm: his pure heart and genuine laughter.
The only assurance of the coming decade is this: autism will be a part of our family. The autism shadow will continue to cloud our experiences. My weapon against the darkness is prayer and attitude. Prayer pierces the darkness with light; turns the canvas of life from black and white to brilliant colors. In the next decade my son will remain a child of God, full of purpose and light. I will cling to the Lord as my guide into His light. And continue to pierce the darkness with light.
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