Out of the darkness

I've contemplated enough; I've come to this conclusion: Ten years ago, the 31 year old me was terrified at the future and determined to "fix" my son. [I was certain it was something we could easily handle and clung to the "high functioning" label many had placed on my sweet son]. Here's the thing I didn't know: autism didn't literally take away my son. In fact, we've managed delightfully in spite of it.

So, this is what I have to say to that younger, determined, "warrior-mother" me:

You will cry tears of joy as you watch your son hop on a two wheeler and proceed to ride it down the street.
You will be amazed at what a loving and protective big brother your firstborn becomes.
You will cheer with the rest of the crowd as your son runs the bases in T-ball.
You will become a voice for others, sometimes not knowingly.
You will laugh when your son uses "damn" appropriately; then desperately try to figure out when he heard you or his dad use that word. (Only to discover weeks later that he heard it while watching a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie).
You will choke back tears as you watch him perform with his peers in a music program.
You will find joy in watching your son mimic others.
You will inspire others and become a role model.
You will be speechless that suddenly, almost overnight, your son knows all the letters of the alphbet and corresponding sounds.
You will laugh in the face of the "autism gods" many times over.
You will face the future, tentatively and bravely.
You will rejoice in the miracle of 2-word phrases, then 4-words, then sentences with too many words to count.
You will come to know the "window" for learning does NOT close at 7.
You will conquer the movie theatre trauma.
You will cheer with many others at his homerun in the ball park.
You will know gratitude and humbleness to a depth you cannot imagine.
You will learn how much your son has to teach others.
You will find blessings in the darkness.
You will be able to breathe.
Somehow, someway, you will find the strength within you to be a mother to an incredible son that God gifted you with.
You will be grateful for all that he is, and sometimes for all that he isn't.

Into the light, I see the other side.