Sunday in church, the Bible passage referenced sacrificing the firstborn son. The message was on following God and the passage begged, "what would you do for your Lord?" It had a completely different meaning for me. Suddenly, I felt the pain of sacrificing my first born and God's gift to me had greater meaning than ever before. How could He endure? How did He manage to see the Gift through?
I've sacrificed my firstborn son to autism. I didn't willingly give him [nor would I ever choose to] yet, I'm living with the consequences every day. Autism is like an invisible prison for him, locked inside his own world, at times unable to communicate his basic needs. Rarely able to communicate his frustrations or joys. Everyday tasks others take for granted require much more effort and focus for him. I feel like so much has been taken from him, from me.
As I ponder this sacrifice, I am reminded what I've gained. The perspective, patience, empathy and basic acceptance that I might not otherwise have. And then, I wonder what has my baby gained? How has this been a gift to him?
God gently reminds me: Jackson's life is full of purpose and meaning. Jackson's life story and journey isn't that different from any other child of God's. I need those signs from God. The gentle reminders to carry on. The sometimes quiet voice reminding me that God's plan is perfect, though mysterious. The calming voice reminding me there are burdens greater than mine...
1 comment:
what a moving post
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